Or, it's been a while! After a weekend gallivanting in New York, during which I discovered another young fille's clever documentation of her dating travails (voila), I am feeling inspired to finish what I started - namely, to fully describe my own adventures in dating.
In the interest of being honest, I must divulge that I am currently a not-so-single fille (details forthcoming); nonetheless, I have many untold tales from my definitively-single days. And so...
JDate #3: Barry. One of the first men I began corresponding with on JDate. He had a few things going for him right off the bat: a degree from Williams, his own house near the beach, and a picture of himself with puppies (seriously, how can you not love a guy with a dog?). He seemed much more mature than a lot of the men I'd heard from, perhaps due to his age (30) and his self-sufficiency; in addition to owning a house, he had a stable job and even more appealing - one that allowed him to travel! A mildly seasoned traveler myself, I knew at the very least this man and I could talk about our experiences around the globe. Or puppies. We agreed to meet, but ended up having to reschedule twice due to a deadline he had for work. When we finally met for dinner, I was not terribly attracted to him, but we had a good dinner, followed by a bottle of wine across the street, and I found myself actually enjoying this man's company. We had plenty to talk about, and although he certainly wasn't the type of guy I'd approach at a bar and try to make out with, I appreciated his calming demeanor and recognized him as a true gentleman. It was refreshing. At the end of the night, he walked me to my car and said goodnight with a kiss.
I was jetting off to Vegas for a work-related conference the next day, so I drove my car down the block to my girlfriend's apartment (we were leaving for the airport at approximately 5 a.m.), and I told her to remind me later how happy I was after this date - definitely the first time in a while I felt that way.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Genetic deformities = no second date
I will have to send an uncomfortable email shortly notifying yet another suitor of my discontinued interest, so in lieu of that, I've decided it is a good time to continue my story of JDates:
2. Matt. After finding that we had "clicked" (i.e., found one another's profiles appealing enough to tell JDate we thought so), this man initiated our correspondence. He was articulate, thoughtful, had gone to a good college, and (from his pictures) relatively attractive. I agreed to a date. We met halfway between our respective homes, and had a lovely dinner (which I did not have to pay for). Already a dramatic improvement over JDate #1. However, he did mention a few things which gave me pause:
1. He was recently assaulted. I understand that people have no control over random acts of violence, but I was (1) shocked he would bring this up on a first date (keep it positive, people!), and (2) a little bit disappointed that I was on a date with the kind of guy who gets beat up.
2. He's had to get a new bed every year. Let me repeat: every. year. He claims to use his mattress normally, but I do not understand how one destroys a bed in ONE year.
3. He cannot smell or taste anything. So I may be a bit picky in this regard, but I believe the man I end up with should be in good health without chronic conditions (e.g., heart disease, diabetes, asthma...). I rarely get sick, I don't wear glasses, and in the interest of having healthy children - way down the road, obviously (I'm still in school!) - I want the father of my children to not be genetically defective. So if you have some freakish ailment such as the inability to taste anything, please stay away. On a lighter note, I absolutely adore good food, wine, and baking, so what fun would it be to have a partner who could not share any of that?!
Regardless of the aforementioned flaws, I was adequately interested in Matt (as well as inebriated), and he wanted to continue our evening, so I invited him to my friend's apartment party. He was sociable (plus), and we continued to have great conversation, although I was a little annoyed at being unable to devote my full attention to my friends. However, let me mention again the alcohol. We ended up making out in the kitchen of this party before the end of the night, and any attraction I felt toward this man evaporated immediately. Did I mention how I was drinking? I believe my alter ego, Charlotte York, once described such an encounter as face rape-age. I cannot think of a better description: it was as if my face were violated and assaulted at once. Yet (do not forget the alcohol), I invited this man to stay at my apartment for the evening. In my defense, I only offered out of a sense of obligation; he was planning to drive to his parents' in Boston that night, and I was not the only one consuming copious amounts of wine and liquor, so what kind of lady would I be to allow a man to drive at that point?
So he spent the night. Most of which was spent attempting to initiate something with me, despite my repeated insistence that (a) I could not sleep with a man on top of or wrapped around me (worded much more tactfully), (b) I was not going to have sex with him, and (c) I was genuinely tired. Nevertheless, I continued to be harassed. I finally got up to go to the bathroom and then just slept on the couch.
Matt sent me approximately 50 text messages the next day. So much for JDate #2.
Match update:
- new emails today: 5
- emails to date: 131
- profile views to date: 1,958
- winks to date: 160
- interests to date: 192
2. Matt. After finding that we had "clicked" (i.e., found one another's profiles appealing enough to tell JDate we thought so), this man initiated our correspondence. He was articulate, thoughtful, had gone to a good college, and (from his pictures) relatively attractive. I agreed to a date. We met halfway between our respective homes, and had a lovely dinner (which I did not have to pay for). Already a dramatic improvement over JDate #1. However, he did mention a few things which gave me pause:
1. He was recently assaulted. I understand that people have no control over random acts of violence, but I was (1) shocked he would bring this up on a first date (keep it positive, people!), and (2) a little bit disappointed that I was on a date with the kind of guy who gets beat up.
2. He's had to get a new bed every year. Let me repeat: every. year. He claims to use his mattress normally, but I do not understand how one destroys a bed in ONE year.
3. He cannot smell or taste anything. So I may be a bit picky in this regard, but I believe the man I end up with should be in good health without chronic conditions (e.g., heart disease, diabetes, asthma...). I rarely get sick, I don't wear glasses, and in the interest of having healthy children - way down the road, obviously (I'm still in school!) - I want the father of my children to not be genetically defective. So if you have some freakish ailment such as the inability to taste anything, please stay away. On a lighter note, I absolutely adore good food, wine, and baking, so what fun would it be to have a partner who could not share any of that?!
Regardless of the aforementioned flaws, I was adequately interested in Matt (as well as inebriated), and he wanted to continue our evening, so I invited him to my friend's apartment party. He was sociable (plus), and we continued to have great conversation, although I was a little annoyed at being unable to devote my full attention to my friends. However, let me mention again the alcohol. We ended up making out in the kitchen of this party before the end of the night, and any attraction I felt toward this man evaporated immediately. Did I mention how I was drinking? I believe my alter ego, Charlotte York, once described such an encounter as face rape-age. I cannot think of a better description: it was as if my face were violated and assaulted at once. Yet (do not forget the alcohol), I invited this man to stay at my apartment for the evening. In my defense, I only offered out of a sense of obligation; he was planning to drive to his parents' in Boston that night, and I was not the only one consuming copious amounts of wine and liquor, so what kind of lady would I be to allow a man to drive at that point?
So he spent the night. Most of which was spent attempting to initiate something with me, despite my repeated insistence that (a) I could not sleep with a man on top of or wrapped around me (worded much more tactfully), (b) I was not going to have sex with him, and (c) I was genuinely tired. Nevertheless, I continued to be harassed. I finally got up to go to the bathroom and then just slept on the couch.
Matt sent me approximately 50 text messages the next day. So much for JDate #2.
Match update:
- new emails today: 5
- emails to date: 131
- profile views to date: 1,958
- winks to date: 160
- interests to date: 192
Friday, February 26, 2010
I don't think so, Mr. SingleRocketProNiceGuy
And now, some things that make me say "absolutely NOT"...
Opening message lines:
"I think you look like the new receptionist on The Office."
"ahh...ur very pretty!"
"I get chills every time I look at you."
User names:
- Anything about your status as a nice, single guy looking for a nice, single girl...you're on a dating site, I don't think you need to clarify those tidbits. Additionally, it's completely unnecessary to include "guy" in part of your username...if the site tells me you are a man, and you appear to have short hair and wear pants, I'm going to believe it.
- Names including the words "sexy," "cute," "pro," "rocket," or "magic"
- Anything negative, bizarre, or obscure: DrkGateKeper, HandyGeekyPhotog, Cabanaboy, evilbus
Am I too picky? Maybe. But so far, the number of socially weird, overly forward, and/or desperate men on these sites seems to be exponentially greater than the number of genuinely nice, respectful gentlemen. Is it so much to ask for an educated, attractive man who knows how to treat a lady?
JDate update*:
- emails to date: 40
- profile views to date: 198
- flirts to date: 15
- E-cards: 1
*A note on JDate: I am ending my membership from this site so will no longer post updates (though I still have many stories). I have realized that (1) I don't care about meeting a Jewish man, and (2) I am generally not attracted to Jewish men.
Match update:
- new emails today: 2
- emails to date: 113
- profile views to date: 1,664
- winks to date: 143
- interests to date: 158
- favorited me to date: 20
Opening message lines:
"I think you look like the new receptionist on The Office."
"ahh...ur very pretty!"
"I get chills every time I look at you."
User names:
- Anything about your status as a nice, single guy looking for a nice, single girl...you're on a dating site, I don't think you need to clarify those tidbits. Additionally, it's completely unnecessary to include "guy" in part of your username...if the site tells me you are a man, and you appear to have short hair and wear pants, I'm going to believe it.
- Names including the words "sexy," "cute," "pro," "rocket," or "magic"
- Anything negative, bizarre, or obscure: DrkGateKeper, HandyGeekyPhotog, Cabanaboy, evilbus
Am I too picky? Maybe. But so far, the number of socially weird, overly forward, and/or desperate men on these sites seems to be exponentially greater than the number of genuinely nice, respectful gentlemen. Is it so much to ask for an educated, attractive man who knows how to treat a lady?
JDate update*:
- emails to date: 40
- profile views to date: 198
- flirts to date: 15
- E-cards: 1
*A note on JDate: I am ending my membership from this site so will no longer post updates (though I still have many stories). I have realized that (1) I don't care about meeting a Jewish man, and (2) I am generally not attracted to Jewish men.
Match update:
- new emails today: 2
- emails to date: 113
- profile views to date: 1,664
- winks to date: 143
- interests to date: 158
- favorited me to date: 20
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Have a safe day
After a week of self-imposed isolation from anything non-work related, I will continue to summarize my JDates. But first, a follow-up with JDate #1 (Josh):
If I was unsure of his intentions by the time he headed home at the end of the night, luckily he sent me a few texts on his way, "Thank you sooo much!!!", "Miss you already!" ...to which I did not respond, but immediately texted my girlfriends about. And because I don't think I could adequately convey the message by summarizing, please see the email I received the following day:
I know I’ve thanked you a million times, but I had to do it one more time! I promise this is the last one ;-) I had an amazing time last night night, and in all honesty have never had a first date like that before! You are so wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, cute, funny and much more :-) I was serious too when I said that I would like to pursue a relationship with you, and I hope you were serious about it as well. Something just clicked and I feel like we connected sooo well! I know we’ve only had one date, but I feel that there is something special here. Like I said this has NEVER happened to me before!!! I guess sometimes it only takes a date :-)
Please put more smiley faces in your email. It was at this point that I realized how desperate this individual was to be in a relationship, any relationship. And how maybe sorority recruitment trained me a little too well in how to carry on a conversation even when have zero interest in the person. I did, in fact, respond to this with a "whoa there, calm down" type message. The next email:
Im so soory that you're feeling spooked, that certainly wasn't my intention. I wasn't insinuating rushing into a boyfriend girlfriend situation at this point. I was just saying that I had a wonderful first date and that I felt a connection. I also said that I was interested in pursuing a relationship but not commiting to one so quickly. I would like to continue to see each other and see where it goes. Believe me I want to make sure it's right and take our time, and I do not in anyway want you to think that you are a rebound. I certainly wasn't expecting to meet someone so quickly that I could realistically see myself pursuing a relationship with down the road. I would never ask a girl to be my girlfriend following one date.
I'm not sure what kind of response he expected. If you're freaking a girl out after just one date, where could the relationship possibly go? So that was the end of Josh...for about a month anyway, until he sent me another email apologizing and saying he'd been thinking about me. This time, I'm not responding.
Unrelated, I recently received a message with the closing, "Have a safe day." I'm not sure what this man thinks the life of a grad student entails, but it's probably more interesting than moving between my desk, bed, and office as locations in which to read and write things.
JDate update:
- emails to date: 38
- profile views to date: 190
- flirts to date: 14
- E-cards: 1
Match update:
- new emails today: 4
- emails to date: 82
- profile views to date: 1,109
- winks to date (not totally accurate, I deleted maybe 15 the first day): 110
- interests to date (again, have deleted some, maybe 20): 88
- favorited me to date: 17
Have a safe day.
If I was unsure of his intentions by the time he headed home at the end of the night, luckily he sent me a few texts on his way, "Thank you sooo much!!!", "Miss you already!" ...to which I did not respond, but immediately texted my girlfriends about. And because I don't think I could adequately convey the message by summarizing, please see the email I received the following day:
I know I’ve thanked you a million times, but I had to do it one more time! I promise this is the last one ;-) I had an amazing time last night night, and in all honesty have never had a first date like that before! You are so wonderful, beautiful, intelligent, cute, funny and much more :-) I was serious too when I said that I would like to pursue a relationship with you, and I hope you were serious about it as well. Something just clicked and I feel like we connected sooo well! I know we’ve only had one date, but I feel that there is something special here. Like I said this has NEVER happened to me before!!! I guess sometimes it only takes a date :-)
Please put more smiley faces in your email. It was at this point that I realized how desperate this individual was to be in a relationship, any relationship. And how maybe sorority recruitment trained me a little too well in how to carry on a conversation even when have zero interest in the person. I did, in fact, respond to this with a "whoa there, calm down" type message. The next email:
Im so soory that you're feeling spooked, that certainly wasn't my intention. I wasn't insinuating rushing into a boyfriend girlfriend situation at this point. I was just saying that I had a wonderful first date and that I felt a connection. I also said that I was interested in pursuing a relationship but not commiting to one so quickly. I would like to continue to see each other and see where it goes. Believe me I want to make sure it's right and take our time, and I do not in anyway want you to think that you are a rebound. I certainly wasn't expecting to meet someone so quickly that I could realistically see myself pursuing a relationship with down the road. I would never ask a girl to be my girlfriend following one date.
I'm not sure what kind of response he expected. If you're freaking a girl out after just one date, where could the relationship possibly go? So that was the end of Josh...for about a month anyway, until he sent me another email apologizing and saying he'd been thinking about me. This time, I'm not responding.
Unrelated, I recently received a message with the closing, "Have a safe day." I'm not sure what this man thinks the life of a grad student entails, but it's probably more interesting than moving between my desk, bed, and office as locations in which to read and write things.
JDate update:
- emails to date: 38
- profile views to date: 190
- flirts to date: 14
- E-cards: 1
Match update:
- new emails today: 4
- emails to date: 82
- profile views to date: 1,109
- winks to date (not totally accurate, I deleted maybe 15 the first day): 110
- interests to date (again, have deleted some, maybe 20): 88
- favorited me to date: 17
Have a safe day.
Monday, February 15, 2010
D'abord, les Juifs
Shortly after celebrating the start of 2010, I realized a few things:
1. There are five students in my cohort of the Ph.D. program in which I'm enrolled.
2. Two are engaged, one is living with her boyfriend, and one is in a monogamous dating relationship.
3. I am not one of those four.
Consequently, my curiosity (and tendency to drink wine when lonely) overcame me, and I decided to investigate JDate. However, to view potential dates through this site, you have to create a profile. Fine, I thought. I'll just create a profile and see who's out there. I distinctly remember sending multiple texts with the message, "OMG I'm on JDate, and it's like an ugly convention!" Yet I somehow woke up with a three-month subscription. Thank you, Riesling.
A summary of my "JDates" thus far:
1. Josh. One of the first men I interacted with through the site. I wish I could say I was "young and stupid," but that was last month. He seemed nice enough; he friended me on facebook and wanted to talk on AIM. However, in my eagerness to be openminded and meet as many people as possible, I ignored what should have been red flags. Like the fact that he lived with his parents. And just got out of a five-year relationship. And worked at Borders. And thought talking on AIM counted as a "date." Nevertheless, we planned to meet at a sushi place for dinner. Dinner was fine; there was some awkwardness when I ordered wine and he ordered tea for both of us, despite my insistence that I didn't need any, but otherwise, I thought it was going fine. Just that, not great, not best date ever, just "fine." Apparently, my date felt differently. Before we finished eating, he announced that he was ready to take his profile down from the website, then proceeded to enumerate the ways in which I was better than his previous dates. I'm not sure "deer in headlights" adequately reflects how I felt...more like "deer happily skipping along simultaneously steps into bear trap and bumps into hick with machine gun." I smiled and nodded. Then the bill. I'm old fashioned. I believe a gentleman should pay, especially on the first date. Josh tells me about some issue with his direct deposit. Oh, and he drove three hours across the state to meet me for dinner. An inauspicious beginning.
Summary of JDates 2, 3, and 4 to come.
JDate update:
- new emails today: 2
- emails to date: 38
- profile views to date: 185
- flirts to date: 13
- E-cards: 1
*joined January 8, 2010
Match update:
- new emails today: 15
- emails to date: 54
- profile views to date: 668
- winks to date (not totally accurate, I deleted maybe 15 the first day): 68
- interests to date (again, have deleted some, maybe 20): 40
- favorited me to date: 14
*joined February 12, 2010
1. There are five students in my cohort of the Ph.D. program in which I'm enrolled.
2. Two are engaged, one is living with her boyfriend, and one is in a monogamous dating relationship.
3. I am not one of those four.
Consequently, my curiosity (and tendency to drink wine when lonely) overcame me, and I decided to investigate JDate. However, to view potential dates through this site, you have to create a profile. Fine, I thought. I'll just create a profile and see who's out there. I distinctly remember sending multiple texts with the message, "OMG I'm on JDate, and it's like an ugly convention!" Yet I somehow woke up with a three-month subscription. Thank you, Riesling.
A summary of my "JDates" thus far:
1. Josh. One of the first men I interacted with through the site. I wish I could say I was "young and stupid," but that was last month. He seemed nice enough; he friended me on facebook and wanted to talk on AIM. However, in my eagerness to be openminded and meet as many people as possible, I ignored what should have been red flags. Like the fact that he lived with his parents. And just got out of a five-year relationship. And worked at Borders. And thought talking on AIM counted as a "date." Nevertheless, we planned to meet at a sushi place for dinner. Dinner was fine; there was some awkwardness when I ordered wine and he ordered tea for both of us, despite my insistence that I didn't need any, but otherwise, I thought it was going fine. Just that, not great, not best date ever, just "fine." Apparently, my date felt differently. Before we finished eating, he announced that he was ready to take his profile down from the website, then proceeded to enumerate the ways in which I was better than his previous dates. I'm not sure "deer in headlights" adequately reflects how I felt...more like "deer happily skipping along simultaneously steps into bear trap and bumps into hick with machine gun." I smiled and nodded. Then the bill. I'm old fashioned. I believe a gentleman should pay, especially on the first date. Josh tells me about some issue with his direct deposit. Oh, and he drove three hours across the state to meet me for dinner. An inauspicious beginning.
Summary of JDates 2, 3, and 4 to come.
JDate update:
- new emails today: 2
- emails to date: 38
- profile views to date: 185
- flirts to date: 13
- E-cards: 1
*joined January 8, 2010
Match update:
- new emails today: 15
- emails to date: 54
- profile views to date: 668
- winks to date (not totally accurate, I deleted maybe 15 the first day): 68
- interests to date (again, have deleted some, maybe 20): 40
- favorited me to date: 14
*joined February 12, 2010
Bonjour et bienvenue
I like order. I like rulers and folding and lists. Since I began online dating just over a month ago, my life has become less orderly. Since I joined an additional dating website two days ago, I daresay my life has become a bit of a mess. I am not a mess, but the amount of messages and "winks" and "flirts" I have received makes me feel out of control. So now this: an attempt to chronicle the craziness.
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